Reality Is Freedom.

My friend *Daisy is sharp, wise ,warm and real. I wont forget a few things she wrote some time over a chat and that guides me to strike out this small talk or small nothing ...She said " Am real. Real is freedom.."

" Tim ,you so much changed brother!" " its not scary though" "hmm" "really?" I responded in text. It was my little sister. I cant tell whether am changed for real and how,looks like she can see a few things in me she didn't see some time back. Well, changes come and go, but what this could be and its nature, I am left to sit back and watch the space looks like pretty soon there's going to be a new me.A minimalist, ambitious, restless and maybe generally-impatient-with-life chap ,perhaps a misfit.I could read these things in my sisters tone, i could feel that in me as I read the text maybe she was right, I couldn't just live a lie, I could only be real and true to what I am.

I had watched Joel bring himself up as a committed christian, frequently in meetings and fellowship, changed a couple of friends, took over a different him and somewhat different personality, dropped some habits and became new,now we would talk less because maybe in some way I was stagnating his growth, well, at the time I could only hope the change stayed.

It had been some time now and I had reached my end, dissatisfied with a double life, hungering for reality of who i am and what I stood for and living that truth to the best of my knowledge. I secretly knew that in one way or another I had a lot in common with him, and that was the fact that we we desperate to live a changed life , and live it to the fullest.

But as life would be, giving a positive and a negative equally to different people in different situations, i would ponder on whether my life was a reflection some really bad stuff that happened when I was young or I would as well be living some failures of my parents or making up for their mistakes. it was pretty scary, I still wasn't real mark you.It turned out maybe I was fifth or so among those who grew up being held to benchmarks and standards set by someone else in an attempt to force me to conform to some ideal.All that made me think that maybe our guardians or parents had been constantly checking off boxes to make sure we were meeting those benchmarks. Well, Joels change didn't go far, i don't celebrate that, I only hoped it would have been a change that's believable, well perhaps he just found out he couldn't lie all that long or he socially couldn't fit in the ideals or something like a general failure at making socially acceptable choices.

I wish i would write for a year about this little nothing about anything close to what i Think is change...I will always look at it as freedom, that real change is getting back to the default, getting to the 'factory setting' maybe not really to live off the benchmark well set before but try to achieve something in your originality, something that touches you, the real you...that's the freedom,it can not be a million dollar thing but its worth working for, and that change is the greatest, the freedom and choice to live life on our own terms free from some incognito cocoon we wear.

Look...by that freedom, we can audaciously tackle challenges we meet as real people in a real world ,we can step on the ugly hypocrisy and see life in its real terms, we may never solve all our problems in that identity but we will certainly do more... Joel tried living a counterfeit him and failed, many of us, tried to live on the checked off boxes for our bench-marked ideals and failed, today as I write these i still see the tone in my sisters text, " Tim you are changed" " its not scary though" will you change? will you dream?